身心障礙之子、榮民之子與特教教師– 我在家庭關係的回顧與實踐

Abstract

我是個榮民與客家身心障礙女性共同教養下長大的小孩。生命悠悠長河中，我體悟父親兼母職的慈愛，也重新體悟智能障礙母親教養下衝突與轉化。 透過敘說研究來探究自我生命故事，讓自己生命所遇問題重新解構與建構。身為國中特教教師的我，撰寫這部生命故事過程中，在與學生互動及課程活動中引領自己重新認識我的父親與母親。父親和我的生命緣分雖然僅是短暫的十二餘年，他的生命遠颺，直到四十歲後發現我依舊思念著他，而這思念在於他帶給我生命資糧—愛與關懷。讓我從事特殊教育及輔導行政工作，提醒自己站在學生角度帶給他們同理與關懷。 對我而言，母親是我成長過程面臨的負面情緒來源，也是使我生命得以轉化的人。她的情緒化、強迫思考及生活自理能力低於兒女……，這一切看似生命中無解的問題，困擾我將近四十年。人生生涯再次轉換，讓我重新了解我的學生，並重新解構我對母親的憤怒，建構對母親認知與行為能力之了解，讓我重新回到生命現場理解她的成長經驗，接納她的需求後發現我和她都需要愛與認同。 從一個教育工作者角度思考，面對學生處於一個看似脆弱的家庭關係。如此家庭已預先有豐厚之土壤以滋養著家庭成員。面對如此家庭，首要思考如何與人工作，協助這個家庭成員面對自我挑戰，而非與問題工作。

I am a child brought up by an old Chinese veteran who came to Taiwan and a Hakka woman with disability. Throughout my life, I have felt the love from my father who also played the role as a mother, and I gradually become aware of the conflict and transformation I have experienced under the upbringing of a mother with cognitive disability. This narrative research enables me to explore my own story as well as deconstruct and re-deconstruct the problems encountered in my life. Through the process of writing my life story and serving as a junior high school special education teacher, I brought myself to relearn who my parents are as I interact with students and lead course activities. Although my father was only in my life for a little over 12 years before he passed away, I found myself continue to miss him even after the age of forty. I yearn for the the nurturing love and care that he provided for me. It is this nurturing compassion that inspires me to devote myself to special education and guidance counseling where I ask myself to always stand in students’ shoes and treat them with empathy and care. My mother used to be the source of my negative emotions as I was growing up, but she was also the person that activated my transformation. Her emotionality, compulsive thinking and self-care ability that is poorer than her children used to seem unsolvable problems that had haunted me for nearly four decades. As my life and career continue to transition, I find myself understand my students better, and I begin to deconstruct my resentment towards my mother as well as construct a renewed understanding of her cognitive and behavioral abilities. In so doing, I become present in life and am able to embrace my mother with more understanding and acceptance. Thinking from the perspective of an educator, facing students in a relatinship of a vulnerable family. Such the family has rich soil in advance, and it nourishes the family members. We should first think about how to work with “the person” and help the family members face self-challenges instead of working with problems.